Holy Wow!

I had completely forgotten about this blog and just ran across it again literally two minutes ago. Looks like I bombed at keeping up on this! Well…let’s see if I can do a better job this year! Starting tomorrow.

Doctors piss me off

I’ve been seeing doctors off and on for most of my adult life. After my second child I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. “Here, take this pill every day for the rest of your life and you’ll be fine”. Bull. There are so many different things that go on in people’s bodies one pill won’t cure everything. You need to LISTEN to your patient and how they feel. You need to realize that your patient isn’t a sheep, isn’t stupid, and can do their own research.

Shortly after being diagnosed with hypothyroidism I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It wasn’t too bad for almost 17 years but seems to have gotten way worse since I had my thyroid removed and radioactive iodine for cancer. Since then it seems my body is just falling apart. I hurt more, I get sick more, I’m so tired most days I sleep more than I’m awake. I just don’t feel even human anymore. I feel like some monsterous ball of yuck.

Think the doctors would want to help right? I mean that is why they became doctors isn’t it? At least that’s what I always thought until my health started to decline. Since then I’ve realized that most are egotistical, arrogant people who think they know everything. I have been asked “What the hell is wrong with you?!”. Let’s see,  you’re the doctor, you went to school for this, you tell me! I’ve been laughed at because I requested a certain medication that I thought would help more than the one I was on. I’ve been patronized, condescended to, basically treated like I’m just there for attention or pills. The sad thing is that I have had to educate almost every doctor I have seen in the last say, 10 years. That’s a conservative estimate.

I do my research, I know my body. You don’t live in my body, you don’t know how it feels. No, I’m not a hypochondriac, talk to my friends and family. Or…God forbid, LISTEN to your patients!

It seems like all that matters in the medical community anymore is the all mighty dollar. Yes, I realize that your services are worth paying for but quality of care should come before quantity of dollars in your pocket.

OK, rant over.

I AM

This was brought up in one of the facebook pages I like today. You Know it Happens at Your House Too challenged us all to set the timer for five minutes and write I am ______________. Please feel free to write your own and leave a comment. 🙂 Thanks!

I am Tammy

I am overwhelmed
I am not perfect
I am loving
I am strong
I am a mom
I am a wife
I am a sister
I am a daughter
I am a compassionate person
I am sick
I am dealing with it
I am an artist
I am a writer
I am a good friend
I am scared
I am exhausted
I am smart
I am giving
I am trying my best
I am going to make mistakes
I am funny
I am sarcastic as hell
I am loyal
I am doing the best I can

There’s my five minute I am. Hope you enjoyed it and I’d like to see yours!

Obligation

I feel a weird sort of obligation to post here since I opened it. Don’t ask me why, it’s not like I really have anything to say that anyone would be really interested in. 

Obligations are funny things. Whether you really have one or just feel like you do, if you don’t keep it you feel like garbage. At least I do.

That’s why my fight with my health makes me feel like less than a person. There are so many obligations I either have or feel I have in a normal day. Take hubby to work, get kids to school, do laundry, do dishes, clean the house, paint glasses to try to make some money, be there for a friend or two who need me, pick hubby up from work, make dinner, clean some more, get kids to bed. There are so many more that pop up periodically. Go to school functions, family functions, take pictures, work on stuff on the computer, etc etc etc. Ya know, stuff that everyone does.

I just can’t seem to get it all done. If any one of these things is lacking I feel like I’ve failed. Therefore, I feel like a failure on a daily basis. I need to realize that I just simply can’t do everything some, if not most, days. I have to remember that I’m not who I used to be. Let me rephrase that. “I” am who I used to be, my body is not. It has betrayed me. My mind still believes I can do all these things but my body says “Oh yeah? Fuck you!”. As I sit here writing this I’m exhausted just from the simple task of making dinner and my body hurts SO MUCH. Even my mind isn’t on board anymore. I forget more things than I remember.

I guess what all this rambling is meant to come down to is this: I can only do what I can do and I can’t do any more than that. I need to start remembering this and the people around me need to start remembering this as well. If you’re in the same boat, it would do good for you to start remembering that too. 

And….it’s a blog

I always say there’s not much to say about myself…I guess I’ll see what I can come up with.

I’m a mom of four girls ages 22, 18, 15, and 7. I also have a two month old grand daughter. Now if that doesn’t make me feel old!

I live in North Central Nebraska with my husband Kenneth (Ch3fR3llik here) and the youngest two girls. I’m a stay at home mom now. Not by choice but because I no longer possess the ability to be able to go to work every day.

I paint glassware, I enjoy photography and writing. There are a few other things I enjoy but I’ll leave them out because they depend on how I’m feeling that particular day whether or not I can actually do/enjoy them.

What will you find here? Photos mostly I think. However you could probably find rants, raves, vents, randomness. Basically you will find either whatever I did that day or whatever I feel like posting that day.

I hope you enjoy visiting as I continue writing.