I feel a weird sort of obligation to post here since I opened it. Don’t ask me why, it’s not like I really have anything to say that anyone would be really interested in.
Obligations are funny things. Whether you really have one or just feel like you do, if you don’t keep it you feel like garbage. At least I do.
That’s why my fight with my health makes me feel like less than a person. There are so many obligations I either have or feel I have in a normal day. Take hubby to work, get kids to school, do laundry, do dishes, clean the house, paint glasses to try to make some money, be there for a friend or two who need me, pick hubby up from work, make dinner, clean some more, get kids to bed. There are so many more that pop up periodically. Go to school functions, family functions, take pictures, work on stuff on the computer, etc etc etc. Ya know, stuff that everyone does.
I just can’t seem to get it all done. If any one of these things is lacking I feel like I’ve failed. Therefore, I feel like a failure on a daily basis. I need to realize that I just simply can’t do everything some, if not most, days. I have to remember that I’m not who I used to be. Let me rephrase that. “I” am who I used to be, my body is not. It has betrayed me. My mind still believes I can do all these things but my body says “Oh yeah? Fuck you!”. As I sit here writing this I’m exhausted just from the simple task of making dinner and my body hurts SO MUCH. Even my mind isn’t on board anymore. I forget more things than I remember.
I guess what all this rambling is meant to come down to is this: I can only do what I can do and I can’t do any more than that. I need to start remembering this and the people around me need to start remembering this as well. If you’re in the same boat, it would do good for you to start remembering that too.